their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
