Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
