OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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