I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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