happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We just shotgunned beers for America
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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