I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
