I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
