Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
