Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
