someone threw a dead crab at me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
