I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pants are for mortals
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize