If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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