I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
