So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize