Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
