Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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