I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
