my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
