one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
