Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize