I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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