Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i think my cat just said my name.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
