Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
