never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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