Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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