I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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