well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
