She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
