so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
3pm strippers are depressing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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