i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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