He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
