im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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