we have officially lost it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
