If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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