Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize