he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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