I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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