I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
