Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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