Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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