I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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