Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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