He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
