I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
