So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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