Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
