I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
