did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
