I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
