My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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