is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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