First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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