I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize