I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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