i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
