puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
