I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I want is dick and wine.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
