i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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