i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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