I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
