Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
