Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
