but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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