Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
