Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
