Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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