I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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