i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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