and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
