We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
