Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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