dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
