I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Im part way to drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
