Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Damn victory sex feels great
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
