Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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