All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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