Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
