Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
