This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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