i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
