I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
