Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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