The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
