Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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