I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
