I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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