The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
