just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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