My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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