For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
