Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
