You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That accounts for only three of the penises
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize