nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
